Snow Globed in the Midst Cuffing Season
You've probably heard about Cuffing Season, but have you heard about Snow Globing?
Nope? Well neither had I until I finally heard it describe two of my own shitty dating experiences I had during my "date myself" season.
I need to talk about something I deeply despise, well its actually two things in one:
Dating during the holidays, sometimes known as Cuffing Season… and Snow Globing.
You might be like, wait, Molly what is Snow Globing?!
Well glad you asked, because I used to think that was what cuffing season was…
So lets get this sorted out.
Cuffing Season is the time of year when people start dating just to have company over the cold winter months. It starts in the fall and can last through spring.
Now, there’s some science to this. Two chemicals in your brain, melatonin and serotonin change as the nights become longer and the temperatures drop. In fact, I read an article from the Cleveland Clinic published in 2021 states that cuffing season and seasonal affective disorder might be linked. Interesting, huh?
Then there's Snow Globing, which supposedly became a term in 2019. This is when one person of a situationship or relationship makes you think the relationship is going somewhere.
They’re inviting you to all their holiday gatherings like a work party or friends dinner and maybe they ask you to come to their family holiday dinner. Once all the fun parties and gatherings are over - they GHOST you or change their behavior back to what it was before the holiday season.
During my “dating myself” season I decided to try online dating a few times… and the two years I dated during the fall and winter months I got Snow Globed.
Ironically, these started in October and ended before the craziness of Christmas… thank god or I would have lost my shit.
One of those relationships seemed to be going well. I had met his friends and he asked me to join him at his work holiday party. Now he worked for his father so I would be meeting his immediate family at the same event.
I became pretty nervous about meeting his family and went back into an anxious attachment style. I thought this meant I had to speed things up with my friends and my family in order to match his efforts.
I asked a close friend of mine to meet him so we met up at a small bar. It turned out to be one of the worse dating experiences I’ve had.
My date and I had already watched some football. While I had a few drinks I wasn’t paying attention to him. He’s an adult, right?
But when we arrived at the bar with his close friend tagging along, it became an unforgettable experience.
We ordered our first round of drinks, shared a few stories and had a few laughs. His friend went out for a smoke break and I decided to chat with him in order for my friend to get a real feel for the man I was interested in.
Not even 5 minutes later she stormed out the bar door and shouted across the parking lot that he was an asshole. When his friend and I were gone he was being extremely rude and inappropriate to the waitstaff. By the time we got into the bar he had taken all four of our drinks and drank them.
His friend and I paid for the drinks before taking him up to my car as the three of us road together. Next thing you know the man I was interested in shouted at me for wanting him to put his seat belt on.
Somehow his friend and I calmed him down enough for me to drive them back to his house and drop them off. It was horrible,… but of course my sabotaging behavior of people pleasing thought I could “fix it”.
I tried to continue to date him, but my anxious attachment style continued to cause problems for myself by ignoring all the red flags that had come up.
A few days before Thanksgiving I mentioned to him that I would like to define what we were and what we wanted. He wasn’t receptive to the idea stating we were only dating… but never mentioned anything else.
I realized I never told him the difference between dating and being in a relationship was for me. If dating for you is going out on dates and meeting other people, then state it. If being in a relationship includes meeting friends and family, state it.
That is what a relationship means to me… so I was highly confused why he thought we were just dating when I had already met his friends and was possibly going to meet his family at the company holiday party.
Needless to say, my conversation asking about our relationship status caused him to ghost me until he finally answered a text saying he was no longer interested.
Honestly, looking back, I can’t believe I even considered dating him or being in a relationship with him after his behavior the night he met my friend.
Now, let’s move on to the next relationship fail - I mean, adventure!
The following year I had met a man at the end of September. I really liked him and we hit it off, so I decided to take him as a wedding date to the same friends wedding I mentioned earlier.
After a fun wedding night full of great food, drinks and dancing, he asked me to travel with him to Europe for a full week… and he’d even pay for it.
I was shocked. I wasn’t prepared for this level of commitment so soon.
I came to find out that he was going on a trip with his best friend and his wife… and wanted a companion on the trip.
When it came time to ask what we were, obviously I explained this to him as I had already learned my lesson. He said we were dating, not in a relationship, but left it open as “we should just see what happens.”
I turned down the idea of going to Europe, but tried to keep an open mind about dating versus being in a relationship, even though I knew I was going against what I wanted. Honestly, I thought my anxious attachment style was showing up, but it was a variety of emotions knowing I had let myself down.
And then, just days before he left for Europe, he broke it off with me. I was dumbfounded!
At the time we were still friends on social media and I saw that he was with another girl on the trip. I couldn’t believe what just happened!
From then on out, I decided I wouldn’t date during the fall and winter months until I had a better relationship with myself, knew exactly what I wanted, and could set boundaries to hold myself accountable.
So, what can you do in order to avoid the shitty dating experiences I went through?
BE MINDFUL - Ask yourself are you really wanting to be in a relationship with this person right now or are you being lead astray?
BE REFLECTIVE - Ask yourself what you truly want in a relationship. Does this person have those qualities or characteristics? Do they have the same values and morals? Are they communicating in a way that makes you feel respected and appreciated?
BE DECISIVE - If you know you are looking for a long term relationship, tell them. If they don’t reply or start changing the subject you know you are talking or dating someone who has an avoidant attachment style and isn’t ready for what you’re desiring - AND that’s okay! This is how those two Snow Globed situations came to an end because I stated what I was looking for and they changed their previous answers… Also, I wasn’t ready for a long term relationship as I wasn’t fully aware of how little I was truly loving and investing in myself. So thankfully both of them called it off after I mentioned what I was looking for.
Have you ever been Snow Globed? Let me know. DM me on Instagram at reinventingthearena. I’m curious to hear how you got yourself out of the snowy mess!
Listen and Subscribe
Listen in every Tuesday to hear savvy guests and love life insights.
Subscribe so you never miss additional released episodes!